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What’s That? More is Still Not Enough?

In my last post I tried to explain sanity to the insane and while it felt great, it wasn’t really the whole story, was it? And no, you’re not the insane.

It all started with a request for recognition of a job I’ve been doing for years and ended with today’s frustrations, which have now turned to the most logical thinking I’ve had on the subject in a few days.

But in thinking through some issues, where is the door that leads to best practices and how come most people can’t find it?

In many ways, our jobs become the central locations of where we live our lives. We spend way too much time trying to make everyone at work happy, and too often you hear stories about people who realize that they have lost any sense of balance between work and home. And that’s the shame, isn’t it?  To add insult to injury, many of us have careers that do not match what we might have imagined for ourselves as children.

I’ve been working since I was 13. My first job was as a teacher’s assistant for my kindergarten teacher.  That might have been the most logic-based job I’ve had.  Red went into one bin, green into another and no one got to play with sharp objects.  Since that first experience, I have had six jobs over 26 years and here’s what I have learned:

You need a mentor.   This can’t be said enough.  Over the years, I have been lucky to have found a wonderful mentor at every organization I’ve worked for and it’s made all the difference.  I lost my mentor this past December and I can tell you, honestly, that going to work isn’t the same.

Do not accept falsehoods.   Part of having a mentor is learning who can be trusted and who cannot.  In far too many work environments, there are people who choose to take the truth and turn it inside out for any number of reasons. The reality is that you’re wasting your time if you try to figure out why.  Many liars don’t realize they lie and many more lie simply because it’s easier than managing effectively.

Be patient, up to a point.  Isn’t it odd that we accept things in work relationships that we might not accept in our marriages or friendships? We hear our bosses say we’re lucky to have jobs in this environment (wonder who coined this term back in the 1st Century) and we let them tell us the sort of nonsense that we’d tell our kids to run from if they said a ‘friend’ said something similar to them.

Complacency is for the dead.  At 16 I went to work for one of the few women who assigned to the Naval Investigative Service. She taught me that the only answer to a question I didn’t know was: I’ll find out.  Throughout the years I have had that lesson come up in a variety of ways.  Work, like the rest of our ‘normal’ lives, is a series of change and more change.  I get scared when I hear that people do the same thing, the same way, every day. I wonder what’s so scary that they won’t change. And the same thinking goes into how you look at your job.  Every day is a chance to learn something new. Teach yourself to remember this.

Know when to say: Enough.  Now there’s the hardest thing, right?  Is it a bad day, or a bad situation?  The answer is pretty easy if we step back and ask ourselves what we would say to our best friend if they called you and told you stories that sound like they work in an office next to yours. We all have bad days. When those days become the norm, it’s time to ask yourself how long you want to stab yourself in the eye every day.

The other day I was contemplating where to go with this blog for the next few weeks.  And, like magic, the answer appeared in a cloud, with a rainbow tail. Oh, alright, it came to me as I was sitting at my desk drinking an espresso.

It’s time to explore intimacy through workplace relationships.  Also known as:

How to break up with a bad lover in three easy steps.

I wonder if I can tie this into the project I’ve been dreaming of for the past year:

A documentary on 40-60 year olds reimaging their lives through career changes.

What better way to start than to ask: Who are you and what did you want to do when you were 10?

 

 

 

 

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Dee Dee Mozeleski

  • Chris p

    I’m Chris..and I’m a Libra,,and when i was 10 i wanted to be a professional soccer player :-D I was REALLY close and I fucked it up by not passing a drug screen and a physical :-/

    Anywho…I’ve been fortunate,,while I’ve certainly worked with alot of morons I’ve never really bitten my tongue and wanted to gouge my eyes out on a regular basis on a drive in to work.

    I’ve offered in code free dental extractions to coworkers, 2 bosses and one bosses psychotic wife at one point as well while he stood by and nodded his head..and amazingly enough…I’ve never been fired EVEN ONCE O:-)
    I think alot of people have a fear of standing up for themselves in the workplace but if someone is putting in full effort and has made themselves a valuable asset to a company and consistently “earned it” each and every day then there’s nothing to be afraid of and in most instances while people may still be difficult they’ll know who’ll take and it who won’t. It can lighten the burden each and every day on a persons workplace. If people aren’t willing to do that they also affect their home life possibly if they choose not to do that.
    I know this complete asshole who slept with a customers wife and when it got found out he didn’t get fired ..cuz while it was shocking and a HUGE inconvenience for ALOT of people..he was damn good at his job and it’s extremely hard to find people skilled at their job who show up every single day and work their ass off.
    You really can passive aggressively make it known where your “enough” is and people will stop and think before they try to take advantage of others in the workplace and in every day life.

    • http://www.bubblesdeux.com BubblesDeux

      It’s so funny that you say we can make our ‘line in the sand’ known in a way that people will get it without having to shout it out loud and you’re so right.

      I think it took me a long time to learn that. I thought it meant I wasn’t nice if I didn’t always say yes. Now I don’t believe that at all. Isn’t it funny that being good (or great) at what you do can keep you immune from a lot of things that we might otherwise be faulted for at work and in life?

  • Diana

    This is exactly what I am going through RIGHT NOW!! This really spoke to me, and may I also add that I am deeply sorry to hear that you lost your mentor late last year. I made the mistake of (well not at first as it was still a job and a VERY different experience than what I was doing before) remaining and accumulating restaurant work. At first it was good and all that, but I started to realize after a few years of the same monotoneous server work, that I was stunted and stuck. Why? It has nothing to do with what I’m honestly passionate about. Analyzing things, spirituality, human psyche, nature…that’s what I have always been (like you said, since 10yrs. old even younger) about. It has never left me, and the older I get it is just a constant reminder on what I’m missing. My brain/body/and soul NEED it now like a drug lol! I have considered the options of going back to College and believe me, I still am going to do that. It’s just taking more time than I would like and it’s rough when said stuck jobs keep you in this sort of “limbo.” I want to just work quietly in a bookstore or something simple like that to utilize what I know and what I am. Or possibly something bigger, but the years of restaurant work keep trumping that for me.

    “Be patient, up to a point. Isn’t it odd that we accept things in work relationships that we might not accept in our marriages or friendships?” What you said right there…that’s a perfect way to describe these situations, no matter what the job, and wouldn’t it be great if more people acknowledged that? <3 Welp…just needed to get this message through to you and to remind you just how much your blogs speak to people of all.

    • http://www.bubblesdeux.com BubblesDeux

      Ahh! I was so excited to see your comment! :)

      Sometimes, we get tied to one way of thinking – but the reality is that we have to be willing to branch out to lots of things at once in order to be successful, you know?

      I look at people who have passion for what they do and it makes all the difference in the world. You can’t fake that at all. For some people, it’s just about giving ourselves permission to go and do what we love, regardless of what it is. What I’ve learned is that you can make a living doing almost anything – so you have to determine where your love is and do that. We’re only going to do this life this way once so we may as well enjoy it! :)

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